Staying connected and deepening connection in relationships requires a little intention. Asking meaningful questions and responding with thoughtful answers is one way to start taking your conversations to a new level.
Use the conversation starters below to help you assess and deepen the emotional intimacy with your partner.
What messages about love and marriage did you get from your parents? Your community?
How was trust modeled for you by others growing up?
Do you have an image of a safe trusting relationship in your head, a model you can draw from as we create our relationship?
What have your past relationships taught you about safety and vulnerability? How has empathy played a role in your past partnerships?
What have your past relationships taught you about reliability? What did they teach you about responsiveness? How have they informed your ability to trust partners?
What strategies have you used in the past to overcome distance and build closeness? How do you respond when you sense distance and disconnect?
How do you cope when you need someone and they cannot be with you? What have you learned from experiences like this in your past? How does that impact your present relationship?
If it's hard for you to trust others, what do you do when life gets too big to handle on your own?
Can you ask your partner when you need comfort and closeness? Rate on a scale of 1-10 (ten being high) how difficult this kind of request is for you.
When you feel disconnected or alone in your present relationship how do you respond? How do you try to reconnect? Give specific examples.
List three bonding moments in your relationship. Share the times you feel emotionally connected and secure with each other.
Based on Hold Me Tight, by Dr Sue Johnson
Hi! I'm glad you're reading. Let me know if I can help you:
- open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity
- move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity
- manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
- rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- shift stuck communication & codependent relationship patterns
I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online and in Portland, Oregon. Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.