The Ingredients for Trust


This is one of the best explanations of trust I have EVER seen.  It is worth the twenty minutes to sit and watch and then talk it through with someone you love. 

Brene Brown has been researching resilience in courageous individuals and strong relationships for many years now, and in this talk she outlines the key ingredients of trust in relationships.  With plenty of juicy stories and examples she makes her research findings super easy to understand and apply to your daily life.

I'll including some reflection questions to guide your post-video self-work (journaling) and couples work (shared reflection) below.  Let me know if you'd like to talk through trust building with me 1:1 (schedule a free call right here).

Key Ingredients for Trust in Relationships:

Boundaries - I honor your boundaries and you respect mine

Reliability - I do what I say I will do, and you do too.

Accountability - I can own, apologize for, and remedy the hurts I cause, and I know you will do the same.

Vault - I trust you will hold what I say in confidence, and we each do this for others as well.

Integrity - I know we will both act with integrity, doing what is right instead of what is easy.

Non-Judgment - I can fall apart, ask for help, and struggle without worrying about losing you (and you can with me too).

Generosity - My default assumption is that you have the best intentions at heart- even when things get sticky.

Questions for Self-Reflection

  • How can I better honor my own boundaries?  
  • Where can I practice better reliability in my agreements with myself?
  • Are there any unresolved inner conflicts I need to forgive myself for?  How can I work to resolve those?
  • Where can I be more discerning about sharing tender parts of myself with others?  
  • How would things be different for me if I did what was right instead of what was easy?
  • How can I be more gentle with myself when I need help from others? 
  • How can I care for myself (like a good friend would) when I make mistakes?
  • How would my life be different if I cultivated greater self-compassion?

Shared Reflection (for You and Someone You Care for)

  • How could we be more clear about our expectations with each other?
  • What does meaningful support look like in this partnership?
  • Are there any unresolved conflicts between us I need to apologize for?  How can I work to own and resolve those?
  • How can we support each other in doing what is right instead of what is easy?
  • How can we be more tender with each other when we make mistakes?

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
  • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
  • resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
  • change communication & codependent patterns
  • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity

I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).

Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.