People choose open relationships for all kinds of reasons. Just like monogamous relationships, people choose non-monogamous relationships for both healthy and unhealthy reasons.
In my years of working with open marriages and poly couples, I've heard a myriad of reasons people choose open relationships.
Here are some of the reasons I hear most often from individuals in polyamorous or nonmonogamous relationships:
- We don’t believe in the status quo.
- There is greater security outside the confines of a two-person relationship.
- My partner and my sex drives are out of alignment.
- I have spent my whole life in polyamorous community and prefer to stay in the community I know and love.
- I am bisexual and my wife is straight. She doesn’t want me to lose connection to my queer identity.
- Why not?
- I enjoy the communication and honesty necessary for long lasting open relationships.
- I believe open relationships require higher personal integrity.
- Having multiple income streams in one household can make for greater financial abundance and sustainability.
- We enjoy sharing play partners.
- Polyamorous relationships require greater self-development, introspection and have pushed me to grow as a person.
- I am not willing to sacrifice one relationship for another.
- Sex with one person for my whole life would be boring.
- My partner has a fetish or kink I am not into, and I want to support her in getting her needs met.
- Trying to meet all of my partners' needs on my own would put a lot of pressure on our relationship.
- I like more than one kind of person.
- My life is richer with more than one partner fueling my emotional intimacy needs.
- I don’t want to limit my partner’s personal expression or have mine limited by her.
- I like diversity.
- I enjoy watching my partner connect with other people.
Consider your own reasons for choosing a monogamous or an open relationship.
- Which model works best for you and why?
- How do you define the boundaries of your monogamous or open contracts?
- How do you communicate expectations about intimacy with others with your partner?
- How have your beliefs about monogamy and non-monogamy changed over time?
- What beliefs do you have about other relationship models?
- How do you know which model is best for you?
No one is born polyamorous or monogamous, these are relationship models we choose. Neither option is right or wrong when made honestly and intentionally.
If you are thinking about opening your relationship and want help talking about it with your partner you might want to attend the Polyamory 101 course I am leading on July 13, 2016.
Or give me a call for a free consult. I am glad to help.
She can help you:
- rediscover passion in long-term relationships
- repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- move past jealousy, insecurity or codependent patterns
- open your relationship or practice polyamory with care
- resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
- break unhealthy communication patterns in your relationship
Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.