I spend lots of time in sessions talking with folks who wonder why some of the most common ways we do committed relationships doesn’t work for them.
Why do we do marriage for love, and what is love anyway? What happens when love changes over time?
And why do we split household tasks the way we do? How can we create a more egalitarian breakdown than whatever our families modeled? How do we keep equality erotic?
How can we break out of these normative partnerships?
How do we build something intentional instead of defaulting to practices we know don’t work?
One of the first steps in intentional change is growing awareness, and WOW do I have a great resource for you this week. Hidden Brain, by Shankar Vedantam, recently covered the history of marriage and it is FULL of great information about how we ended up with many of the cultural norms about marriage that we currently practice.
Taking a closer look at the ways we practice love and commitment, the practices we consider “normal” helps us use discernment about if and when we want to choose them today.
And let me know what you think. How does knowing this history change what you want to practice? How does it affirm the practices you’ve already chosen? Which parts of this hostory apply to your relationship experiences?