How to Work on Jealousy

How to Work on Jealousy | Uncommon Love Infidelity and Polyamory Counseling in Portland

Lots of client's tell me they need to work on their jealousy, but few have a clear idea of how to work on it.  

Here are the things we focus on in session to help clients move through jealousy to greater confidence and connection in relationships.

Have a loving and honest conversation

Take a moment to be fully present with each other and talk directly about the insecurity and worry that is showing up in the form of jealousy.  Do your best to really listen with warmth and be open to opportunities to support one another.

Focus on accountability

Often it can be hard to have this kind of conversation without becoming defensive, or blaming one another.  If you feel yourself moving in that direction, take a break (and come back), or refocus on each of your personal accountability in the process.  It is so important you each receive empathy in this sharing process.   Use compassion and warmth with one another.

Use critical analysis

Recognize when and if the jealous feelings are based in fact or fiction.  Acknowledge the behaviors that contribute to this jealousy.  Own the individual fears and insecurities that may be contributing to your jealousy.

Reassure and offer empathy

While it is important neither of you is completely dependent on the other for confidence and self-worth, it is also essential to your relationship that each of you is confident they are respected, special and loved by the other.  Take intentional time to fill your love bank if you haven't in a while, and build practices to fortify it regularly.

Cultivate independence

Often jealousy happens when couples are spending too much time and energy focused on each other and their relationship.  Find a strong place of balance where each of you also draws a sense of purpose from activities and healthy friendships outside the partnership.

See a therapist

It can be helpful for both of you to see a couples counselor or individual therapists to get more clarity about the insecurities that are showing up.

 Often therapy can offer insight you might never uncover on your own.


Give me a call to see if I can help you move through relationship difficulties

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sex educator and relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationshipsjealousy, LGBTQ issues and infidelity.  

She can help you:

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.

Click here to download her free guides to strengthen your relationship (monogamous or not).