Two of my favorite writers and relationship experts (Dan Savage and Esther Perel) have done a lot of shared interviews and I wanted to share the best of them with you.
Here are a few things I love about this Q&A session:
In the very first couple minutes Dan outlines some of the most common reasons people cheat in relationships.
Then Esther clarifies the difference between infidelity and non-monogamy.
If you listen to nothing else, check in at minute 11:21. Esther breaks down one of the most important issues in desire for long-term relationships. She outlines the issue with being the "chosen one" for your partner and how it diminishes desire when we're together a long time.
When asked how she would re-design marriage (at 15:28). She posits that marriage isn't necessary in the same way as it once way. This history of marriage and committed relationships is missing in most people's understanding of partnership.
Later she dives into the critical balance between stability and novelty in long-term relationships (near 18:00). "Too much novelty and not enough stability is chaos and too much stability without novelty becomes fossilized." She says there is not enough fluidity in marriage- and I wholeheartedly agree.
Finally, early on in the interview Dan discusses the difference between default monogamy and intentional monogamy- the cornerstone of my work with couples considering opening their relationships.
Check out the full interview below and call me for a free consultation if you'd like to discuss these topics in your own partnership.
Hi! I'm glad you're reading. I help people:
- reconnect with desire & passion in long-term relationships
- rebuild trust after an affair or infidelity
- move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity
- manage powerful emotions that show up unexpectedly
- shift codependent communication patterns
- open relationships & practice polyamory with integrity
I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and coach clients online (and in Portland, OR).
Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.