premarital advice

Can You Help My Fiance and I Decide About Polyamory?

polyamory advice

Ask me anything is a relationship advice column run by Gina Senarighi, a former therapist turned sex educator and sexuality counsellor who offers online support for non-traditional couples.  

Submit your Ask Me Anything question right here.  OR Read more Ask Me Anything here.


This Weeks Relationship Advice Question:

My fiance wants to do a poly and we have talked about and I've said maybe but honestly I'm scared and I feel he doesn't understand me. Is this something you'd be able to help with?

Simplest answer, YUP.  I've worked with hundreds of couples who are considering non-monogamy, polyamory, swinging, or other kinds of open relationships for the first time.

It's not uncommon for them to come to me with one partner who wants to try polyamory and another who is hesitant.  And I don't believe polyamory is for everyone, (neither is monogamy) so it often works well for us to talk through lots of options to help you decide if polyamory if right for you right now, and if so, what kind of boundaries and communications skills need to be in place for you to succeed.

It's also not unusual to feel some fear when thinking about non-monogamy for the first time.  Lots of people experience insecurity, jealousy, and fear related to relationship change.  Whether you two do choose nonmonogamy or not, you might want support just to work through the kinds of intense feelings that show up when people start this conversation.  I can support you in that or am happy to give you a referral to another provider.

I'm curious about why your partner is thinking about this now and I'm curious about your fears.  If you want to set up a consultation to talk more about working together or so I can send you specific resources for your situation please set up a free call here.

Submit your Ask Me Anything question right here.

Read more ask me anything here.

polyamory therapist in portland

Gina Senarighi offers non-judgmental sex-positive, gender-affirming, LGBTQ relationship support online and in the Pacific Northwest. 

She often says, “I love love, in all its forms!”

She’s helped thousands of couples deepen their sexual connection, repair trust, and build sustainable lasting partnerships.

She uses her multi-disciplinary professional training to teach communication skills and help her clients handle conflict with compassion.

Gina has supported many couples experimenting with open relationships based in trust and integrity. If you’re considering polyamory you should check out her online resources here.

Although most of her couples are experimenting with less traditional relationship structures, even her more mainstream clients appreciate her open-minded non-judgmental approach and diverse expertise.

If you’re interested in taking this work further contact her for a free consultation.

ASK ME ANYTHING: Workplace Crushes and High Emotionality

relationship advice | marriage advice | polyamory advice

Submit your question for Ask Me Anything right here.

Today's Relationship Advice Question:

My fiance's assistant professed her love for him and when he told her he didn't feel the same she began to hyperventilate and landed in the hospital. They're in a different country and work with classified and highly confidential materials in their work. He knows she can't do the job and would like to send her home. How do I support him and to help her?  We both feel stumped with this. I fear it could get uglier before it gets better.

First congratulations on your wedding!  I'm glad you found someone you want to commit time and energy to for a long time- that is something very special.  

Second, I want to commend your empathy for this woman.  Often when someone has feelings for our partner we can get caught up in jealousy, insecurity, and defensiveness.  What this woman needs is empathy (and mental health support) and I am so glad you and your fiance want to give that to her.  

She is heartbroken and losing her job after all.  

That said, y'all can give her referrals, recommendations, and plane tickets if you choose, but she's the only one who can take advantage of the supports out there.  Encourage her to take care of her emotional well-being and tell her honestly how concerned you both are.  You can refer to either of these sites (GoodTherapy or Psychology Today) to find great therapists anywhere in the US.  

As much as I recommend being very clear about your concerns for her well-being and safety, I also think it's important to set and keep clear boundaries about how much support you can realistically provide both from afar and in the workplace.  

It can be really easy to overcommit yourself to taking care of another person's emotional well-being in cases like this.  Neither of you are mental health professionals (I assume) and she's going to need to care for her heart with the support of people who aren't directly related to her hurt.  

I hope you can find a way to offer her compassionate boundaries and re-focus your attention on your long-distance connection to one another and planning your celebration.  

relationship advice | marriage advice | polyamory advice

polyamory counseling | relationship advice | relationship help

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sex educator and relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, LGBTQ issues and infidelity.  

She can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move past jealousy, insecurity or codependent patterns
  • open your relationship or practice polyamory with care
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns in your relationship

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.

Click here to download her free guides to strengthen your relationship (monogamous or not).