sex and marriage

The 14 Reasons Why You're Not Having Sex

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Our culture tells us all the time that sex should just come naturally and easily at all times in a relationship and if it's not- BEWARE this means there's something very wrong with you or your relationship.  

I'm here to tell you that assumption is the core of the problem.  It is perfectly natural for your sex drive and your sexual preferences to flex and change from day to day- and hour to hour.  Think about it, you may not be in the mood while stuck in traffic but you could be just moments later in the day with the right setting, partner(s) and preparation.  

Most couples struggle at one point or another with mismatched desire, desire fatigue, loss of passion or other difficulties maintaining sexual chemistry long-term.

And it is not common for you and your partner to be on exactly the same wavelength in those fluctuations.  Typically one of you has a higher drive in general and the other will have a lower drive.  

This isn't a reflection of your desire-ablity or your relationship strength- it's just a natural baseline for each of you that's set at different frequencies. 

Most of the bad sex advice you'll read online centers on silly tricks you can try to spice things up in the bedroom or change your momentary desire (62 sex positions you should try etc etc).  Many of these tips can work temporarily and if they work for you enjoy them.  

Very few of these temporary solutions will shift things in a sustainable long-lasting way.  I'm going to walk you through the solutions I've seen work long-term in my practice helping couples stay connected with desire.  Click through to see which solutions might work best for you.    



  1. Biology

  2. Time Scarcity

  3. Lack of Self-Care

  4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

  5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

  6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

  7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

  8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

  9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

  10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

  11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

  12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

  13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

  14. Alone Time

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Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns 
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.


Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

Consent Isn't Just Sexy

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Consent isn't just sexy

We talk about consent mostly when we're talking about sex, but if you're into care and balance or equality in relationships consent is critical well beyond sex. 

Too many couples I work with run on auto-pilot. They miss opportunities to check in, learn, and grow together all the time- practicing consent changes this up. 

Consent is not the same as permission. Typically, we define “consent” as the act of communicating to someone that it is okay for them to interact with us in a particular way. 

Instead try thinking of consent as a felt sense, an understanding that we're both making a conscious choice to participate in the relationship in specific ways.

Fuck yeah I want you

What if throughout the day you were giving enthusiastic consent in your partnership, "fuck yeah I want to eat breakfast and I want to do it with you." 

And if you got enthusiastic heartfelt consent from your partner, "I SO want to go for a walk and hold hands with you."- how would that feel? 

Check it out:

How might your relationship shift if you asked for consent when interacting with your partner throughout the day?

How might your life shift if you oriented only toward the 'fuck yeah' choices you make each day?

If you're interested in learning more about consent and moving toward a "Fuck Yeah"

Enter your information to download my free couples worksheet.  

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